This blog post is titled Lotus because the Lotus flower is symbol of purity, self regeneration, enlightenment, and rebirth. And that’s where I feel I am at right now at this stage of my life. 2020 has been an amazing year of growth for me. It was so many times where I felt like I wasn’t sure of myself and things I can do. Times I have doubts about myself and wasn’t sure what I could do on my own. Times when I forgot who I was. It’s so important when you have those to have friends and family around who can remind you who you are. It’s also important to know that sometimes you change and you don’t even realize you have changed and that can be very scary. The last time I was brought to change that was scary I would have to say was when I had my miscarriage. I went from a young girl who just knew she wanted to be in love and be with this one person forever snd have a family to a woman who knew that it’s more to life that when I thought I knew and that sometimes things don’t go as you plan. I can honestly say that moment is what made me a young adult. It made me so brave and strong and I knew that it was nothing that I couldn’t ever come back from. I also learned then that I have a solid foundation around me. Now let’s fast forward to 2020 Nnaté here I am again thinking I knew myself so well. I thought it was nothing else I needed to learn about myself. I thought I had found a relationship that could give me everything I was looking for and missing, but yet I was changing daily I just didn’t want to see it. I thought if you could show someone how much you love them they would understand and never hurt you. I tried in so many ways that to prove my love to someone and they couldn’t see it and I thought it meant that I wasn’t good enough. When the entire I was missing that they weren’t good enough for me. They weren’t meant to go on this journey with me to know this Nnaté and where I am now. I didn’t realize this until I took a break from everything and just sat with myself and reflected on everything I been through not just this year but in life. Sometimes a loss isn’t a loss it’s a gain and a lesson. You can want something so much and God’s blocks it and you don’t understand why and you get upset until you sit with yourself and reflect and I promise it will make sense. I have learned from every loss and I should’ve known that this wouldn’t be different. The lesson here is to never settle. With anything! If you feel yourself changing and you feel yourself forcing anything and it doesn’t feel right. Just stop. You feel that for a reason. And accept all change. And try to be a good person because that is something people will always remember about you so when you do feel like you lost yourself those people around you those bonds you have made throughout ya life. They will remind you. This Nnaté is different. I feel wiser, I feel more connected to God, I feel more connected to my writing and the stories I want to tell, and I feel so connected to my friends and family. I’m
ready for more change and more lessons because of that.
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