I'm sitting here watching the Lakers vs Heat finals game and I came across a tweet on twitter that said "create your own fairytale. " And I feel like I needed to see that tweet for myself. Since September I have been feeling so down and sad. I felt like I was so close to getting what I wanted and then it crumbled in my face and I just didn't understand why. I cried about it, screamed about it. I tried to ignore that it was happening. I tore myself apart piece by piece and blamed myself for everything. I lost myself I just felt so unhappy. All I saw were my flaws and why another relationship didn't work out for me again. It took some time and I'm still upset about it. Shit sometimes I still cry about it. But I know now that that it will be okay. It is okay for things to end or bad things to happen and that it wasn't my fault. I can't control anyone else's actions I can only control my own. And just because I get my heart broken or something bad happens to me it doesnt mean Im a bad person. It's just a lesson I had to learn. And Now I'm starting to try things that I'm normally not comfortable with. I always thought that you meet someone and you just focus on that person regardless of the title or not. I didn't know how to date and I didnt want to learn either I thought that wasn't me. That wasn't part of my fairytale. Now I see that I create my own, I'm not putting anyone else's feelings before my own. I'm not putting my eggs into one basket until I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I feel like the type of girl I was before has died. I want to date and weigh out my options until I find the right one instead of thinking the first person I catch feelings for is the right one. I still believe in my fairytale but Im just taking a different route.
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